Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
