her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
