her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
