He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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