I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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