Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
