You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
