the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize