I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
