Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
