Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
