He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
