He kissed a someone with a penis
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize