i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
