I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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