hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
