Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
