you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
