Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
