matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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