Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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