Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
