I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think i have two assholes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize