Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
