Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
