I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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