its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
