all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You don't make any sense
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