I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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