Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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