The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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