Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
