you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
