A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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