This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
