So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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