I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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