hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
