I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
