nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
