i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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