I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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