Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the raccoons are back...
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