Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
