I got chris browned last night
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
