If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
