fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
send nudes
from the living room?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
