It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
