Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think i scared a bird with my dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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