I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
