The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
