my mouth tastes like poor choices
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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