I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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