The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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