Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's always time for handjobs
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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