I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
