So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
someone owes me an orgasm
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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