I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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