You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
