Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
