last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
